i think my tv is drunk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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