She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
