I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I supernannyed him into submission
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
