so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So many bounce houses so little time
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
