Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
