can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
