I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
