ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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