Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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