I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
