i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
