I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
