Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Vodka?
Forever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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