Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
