just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
