I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
