You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
