Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
