I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
