I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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