i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
