I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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