he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
