its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
