woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
