I accidentally had phone sex last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
