This is not my ceiling
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
