good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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