is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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