She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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