So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
