That's intense
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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