so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
