Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
