He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
God, I missed his penis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
