I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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