bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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