Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
