I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
