so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
