my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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