We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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