this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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