You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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