I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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