I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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