He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
