You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
