have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
