You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
