I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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