sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
