I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
