everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
