singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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