please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
